Try Putting Them Behind You

Years ago, I attended quite a few Edmonoton Eskimo football games. It seemed that at every game I had the misfortune to have some loud people sitting right behind me with the loudest explaining the rules of Canadian football to his dizzy, although loud, girlfriend. The frustrating part was that as likely as not what loudmouth explained to his vicinity was WRONG. For lack of accurate knowledge of the rules, he substituted volume and exuberance. Eventually I stopped going to football games and the loudmouth and WRONG explantions retreated into a distant, although still uncomfortable memory. I thought that experience had all been confined to the distant past until the other evening when our family attended an evening of performances by Canada's National Ballet. Since the Ballet was celebrating their 60th Anniversary, they staged four mini-performances. The first and last were quite modern and experimental, the second was quite traditional ballet danced to some studies by Chopin. The third was another non-traditional - with four dancers in western costume, including cowboy boots, dancing to a medley of late recordings by Johnny Cash (including the Alberta favourite - Ian Tyson's, Four Strong Winds). By the time we were into the first of the four performances - the immoderately loud voices of a couple seated right behind us were intruding on my enjoyment and bringing back memories of those painful old football games. The husband of the couple was taking the attitude of being the expert and explaining to his wife (I assume) that the second performance would be The Man in Black (i.e. Johnny Cash), even though the program clearly showed differently. When the curtain rose and a man in black tie and tails was seated at the grand piano ready to play the Chopin etudes, the "expert" decided to bluff his way through and assured his wife "There's the man in black!". When, in due course, the third performance took place, the actual Man in Black piece - four energetic dancers, three male and one female, responded to several recordings of Johnny Cash singing a range of well known songs popularized by others - covers as they are called. One male dancer was particularly energetic in leaping and prancing. When the dance ended and the performers were taking their bows, the "expert" opined loudly that the most energetic male dancer was especially good. The "wife" quizzed in a loud voice, "Was he the one that was singing the whole time?". I will never be able to enjoy ballet again without thinking of her. At least, though, they didn't jump up and spill their beer on me, although, maybe next time.